Unhappy Aniversary

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Sun Aug 26, 2012 3:56 pm

He stood there frozen, just looking at Paige.
After a few moments he shook his head, in an attempt to clear his head.
He walked towards Paige and smiled at her. Next he knelt down in front of the grave, placing the flowers on it.
"Uhmm... like... I'm not really used to talking to... uhh... a grave... but uhh... I just... your sister is a very stubborn girl but... I guess, that's why I love her." Matt scratched the back of his head. "Uhm... I uhh... I'll take real good care of her..."
So don't come haunting my ass at night, please. He added in his thoughts, since he wasn't so sure how Paige would react to a comment like that on a day like today.

Before he had arrived at the graveyard he had thought to just ask her why she didn't trust him enough to tell him about this day but when he saw Paige at her brother's grave , the grief so clearly present on her face, he had changed his mind and decided to leave that to rest... maybe some other day.

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Sun Aug 26, 2012 10:38 pm

She gave a half smile at Matt's attempt to pay his respects. It made her happy to know that he cared enough to do so, not that she had any reason to doubt that.

"...how'd you find me...?" she wondered.

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Mon Aug 27, 2012 3:27 pm

"L..." Matt simply said. "Everyone had little bits of info and he put the pieces together."
He looked at Paige for a moment.
"You kinda scared me, disappearing like that...," because in all honesty he had already forgotten that the same thing had happened the previous years, "...You okay? I mean... do you want to talk about it? Or, do you want me to leave you alone?"
He never had been all that good when it came to dealing with emotions... his own or those of others.

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Mon Aug 27, 2012 4:30 pm

"Talk about it...I don't know, but don't...don't go. Please stay.." Normally she would fight back and insist that she was fine, but she knew that she would end up saying something that was harsh and that sue didn't mean. Truthfully, she knew that she needed him and had finally admitted it.

Standing up and smoothing out her dress, the girl hugged Matt without another word. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her breaths were very shaky as she tried to keep herself from breaking down.

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Mon Aug 27, 2012 5:04 pm

Matt held Paige as close as possible and softly placed a kiss on top of her head.
"I'm not going anywhere... I promise." He whispered softly.

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Mon Aug 27, 2012 5:12 pm

Her hands fisted the fabric of his shirt as she hid her face in it. The shaking in her shoulders was impossible for her to hide anymore. She had cried in front of Matt before, but this time she was sobbing; it was full of pain and heartache that she never let show.

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Mon Aug 27, 2012 5:22 pm

Matt stayed silent... softly stroking her hair as he allowed her to just let everything out.
His heart broke at seeing Paige so saddened... never had he seen her like this before.

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Mon Aug 27, 2012 5:36 pm

This went on for a good ten or fifteen minutes before it seemed to be enough of a release for her. Slowly she began to shake less and the tension in her hands lessened, her fingers releasing the fabric of his shirt. The sobs became hiccups and then faded into nothing more than uneven breaths.

The brunette continued to hug Matt closely for fear that she wouldn't be able to hold herself up if she let go. Her lips moved but any sound that came was low and cracked, her vocal chords protesting any further used, as well as muffled by the shirt.

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Mon Aug 27, 2012 6:05 pm

Matt carefully lifted Paige's head up and softly wiped the tears away.
At that moment he made a promise to himself...
Never again, would she have to feel so sad. Not if he could do something about it.
Matt noticed Paige wasn't very steady on her feet and so he slowly guided her to a bench that was close by and made her sit down. He sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close... keeping her near... keeping her safe.

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Mon Aug 27, 2012 6:13 pm

Practically clinging to Matt on the bench, she sat in silence for a bit before finally speaking again. "Everything hurts..."

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Mon Aug 27, 2012 6:19 pm

A worried/sad expression appeared on his face but he remained silent for now.
He was afraid that if he would speak up now, she would stop talking.
Matt realized that the healthiest thing for Paige now was to keep talking, to let everything out she's been keeping to herself for so long. And so he only kept holding her close.

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Mon Aug 27, 2012 6:38 pm

"It always hurts..." Her eyes became glassy as new tears gathered before finding their way down her cheeks.

"The seams are disappearing, the edges are frayed, there's holes everywhere, pieces missing; it's all broken. I'm all broken...I've always been broken...nothing but damaged goods and what good is that to anyone?"

In her cryptic little way, she was finally letting a part of herself out into the open.

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Tue Aug 28, 2012 5:49 am

"Sometimes it takes time to fix that what is broken." Matt whispered softly, his voice cracked. "Sometimes you can't do that alone..."
He pressed a kiss on top of her head.
"...please let me help."

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Tue Aug 28, 2012 7:18 am

"When there are too many pieces missing you can't fix what's broken." She wasn't trying to discourage Matt from his goal to help her, but she knew better than to get her hopes up.

"No one was ever supposed to know...no one was ever supposed to see any of this. I'm no good to anyone if they know that I'm weaker than all of them..."

Her mind was all over the place, but she was speaking the words that she had always been thinking. "What good am I to anyone...?"

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Tue Aug 28, 2012 9:02 am

"With some creative thinking even something broken can still function... but maybe not the same way as before..." Matt said, after carefully choosing his words.

"There's nothing wrong with admitting you are not the strongest... to me, you are the strongest girl I ever met but there's no reason for you to carry such a heavy burden alone... if you would let me help you take some of the weight off."

"What good are you, really?" Matt repeated incredulously. "Rayne, you are a dear friend to Mino, Fey sees you as her older sister, Sarah cares about you even though she won't say it with so many words, and the other guys, and that even includes Mello, respect you as an equal. And me, I love you, you know that... I love it when you are so caught up in your artwork that you won't hear anything... I love it when you are annoying the hell out of Mello... I love you when you are beating me at a game we're playing... I love you when you are sleeping in my arms. I love every aspect of you with all my heart... why is all of that so hard to accept, to believe?"

((uhh... I hope that came out the same way as it was in my head ^^"))

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Tue Aug 28, 2012 12:38 pm

((It came out just wonderfully~))

"I just...I feel like I'll give everyone so much more to worry about. No one else should have to worry about my problems...they have enough on their plates. That includes you..." It seemed that her words were more directed at herself rather than Matt. It was as though she were trying to convince herself rather than anyone else.

She wiped her eyes with one hand. "I don't...I don't know anything anymore...I can't figure anything out. Everything's just a big mess...."

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Tue Aug 28, 2012 1:18 pm

"You mean, just like you worry about everyone else's problems?"
Matt shook his head.
"Give it some time... with a little bit of help and some patience everything might work out just fine. But neither of us can look in the future so it has little use worrying about it."

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Tue Aug 28, 2012 1:21 pm

Just staying quiet now, she hugged him. It would take learning; she needed to reteach herself how to talk like she used to rather than keep everything to herself.

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Tue Aug 28, 2012 1:44 pm

"So... wanna tell me something about your brother? I mean, it's kind of a shame I never got to know him."

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Tue Aug 28, 2012 3:03 pm

Wiping at her eyes once more, she gave a halfhearted laugh. "He was funny; always making some sort of pun."

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Wed Aug 29, 2012 3:18 pm

"He... seems like you have that in common. You also know how to make other people laugh." A small smile appeared on Matt's face. "He... He worked as a police officer, or something, didn't he? He must have been very brave, then."

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Wed Aug 29, 2012 4:13 pm

"He was really brave; always had been. Hell, he risked his job all the time by completely throwing protocol out the window and just doing what he knew felt right. If he thought he could save someone, he didn't care if it cost him his job; he'd go in and make sure they got out safe. I don't know how many times he scared the hell out of me by coming home late because he went the extra distance to help someone." A small smile found its way across her lips.

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Wed Aug 29, 2012 4:18 pm

"Sounds like he was the kind of guy I would be friends with..." Matt said grinning.
Says the guy who is friends with someone like Mello... -_-"

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Wed Aug 29, 2012 4:25 pm

"Dean was the perfect friend too. He wasn't just a brother, he was my best friend. Before he died...I could talk to him about anything and everything; I did talk to him about everything. I actually talked back then," she said.

Subject: Re: Unhappy Aniversary Wed Aug 29, 2012 4:28 pm

"Well, I can't replace your brother... actually, I don't want to be your brother, I prefer being your boyfriend. But I would like to step into his place when it comes to being your friend, the one with who you can talk about anything and everything. If you'll let me."